As a lesbian I have been called a man hater over and over and over. It’s becoming a soft spot with me. I don’t particularly like men, but that’s not due to my sexuality (I don’t think). But the stigma of lesbians hating men is something I wasn’t aware of until it happened to me. I don’t know how to argue my point. I don’t know how to stand up for myself. No, I don’t like men, I don’t find them attractive or appealing or good friends. But I am not a man hater. Help!
Let me start off by saying, I appreciate you taking the time to ask me such a wonderful question! I’ve often seen or heard many lesbians discussing this very question and I hope that I am able to help you, in whatever way I can, to get to comfortable place that works for you.
You pointed out that you do not particularly care for men on any level, and are confused as to how to approach the topic without sounding like a “man hater”. The problem, I think, is in the wording. “I don’t like men” or “they aren’t good friends”. As a lesbian myself, I’ve often found myself in a position of saying “I don’t like men”. There is no problem in not liking them, sexually. However, to point out that you do not like men in general, sexuality not withstanding, would insinuate that those who have deemed you a “man hater” would be correct. Now, if I am able to pick apart what you have said, I think the solution lies within the entire purpose of this message. You are not comfortable with men. You have not met a man that has been a good friend to you. You do not find men attractive. Those are all things you are allowed to feel. The issue is grouping “all men” together. Yes, we’ve all seen the “not all men” campaigns on the internet. I do believe there is validity in them. There are certainly men in my life that I trust and provide a solid friendship that I can value. But not everyone is in the same boat that I am in.
You, my dear friend, do not need to like men. You are in no way obligated to befriend men. My challenge to you, anon, is to think of something you do like about men and analyze your feelings further.
I hope that I have answered your question.